


Please, Just Don't Leave

by MichaelLarkin



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety, Crushes, M/M, Panic Attacks, ends fluffy I promise, hockey boys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-02 21:37:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10227998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MichaelLarkin/pseuds/MichaelLarkin
Summary: Derek's panic attack pushes his feelings to the surface, and pushes Dex to admit his own feelings for Nursey. An angsty start to the relationship both of them have always been looking for. There will be bumps along the way, but both of them know this is the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I am pretty new to the fandom, so please be gentle! Comments and ways to improve are always welcome :).

"Are you kidding me?? We are NOT FINE!" Normally Derek would do anything for this level of attention from Dex. He spent most of his days directly provoking this kind of intensity from him, because nothing felt quite as good as being the cause of that flush crawling over Will's skin. It distracted Nurse and drove him partially out of his mind, because it was so easy to imagine that flush spreading for other reasons.

Reasons involving Derek's bed, and unbuttoned flannel, and pushing a white shirt up to see how far that flush spreads and how many hickeys he could suck before Will was begging him to-

"Nurse!"

It was lucky thing his skin didn't burn like Will's did. It was much easier to hide what he was thinking(feeling) behind a chill exterior. "What?" Because pretending ignorance had to be better than the rejection he knew was coming. Maybe not today, (please not today) If he could just make it to summer break before Will found out. Then Will would have months of time to get over it. Months for the awkwardness to blow over. 

Nursey could act like this was just a crush. That it is was just a fleeting fascination, a d-man thing. Nothing Will specific. Nursey could pretend there was not a Will in his head that he imagined daily (hourly, constantly) that looked at him differently. That wanted to hold his hand in public. That wanted to share a bed in the attic next year, not keep the bunks. One that would miss Derek just as desperately over breaks. 

Nursey could do that, even if Derek couldn't. 

"What do you mean what?! What the hell was that practice? Where were you out there?!"

Derek winced. Ah there was the problem. The reason why he would be found out. Ransom and Holster already looked at them (at him) too knowingly. He had seen them 'discreetly' working on a new slideshow. Probably titled 'when one d-man tries to remove the bro from the bromance'

Derek's crush was affecting their chemistry on the ice. He was questioning everything. 'What if I look at him too long? What if we are too in sync? What if he realizes during a game? What if they other team realized? What if Dex realizes it and Derek loses Will forever? Because what if he leaves? What if he leaves! What if he leaves-' 

'What's the worst thing that can happen?' Is such a stupid question, because him leaving is the answer. An unrequited crush sucks, but at least he's there. At least there's the slim chance, the hope, the light at the end of the tunnel. 'What if he leaves me?' Is the thought that sends Derek spiraling. The reason he sees a therapist twice a week now instead of once. 

His panic attacks. Abandonment issues are the label scrawled across the top of every file he has ever had. Below his name. One label that changing school districts and hair styles had never changed. 

Better to have one night stands and shallow friends then care, because what if they leave! What if they actually get to know every fucked up thing about you and leave. What if he leaves?

"Nurse... Derek?"

Shit. Shit shit shit. Not here not now. He had only had a panic attack I front of one team member before (Chowder) and that had been the moment he had realized his feelings for Will. Too drunk at a Haus party too hide it anymore. Chowder had been on nursey patrol and had found him in the fetal position in the basement trying every calming exercise he knew. The only thing that has calmed him down was telling Chowder the truth. He hates the look of pity Chowder sends him now whenever Dex is particularly harsh in his chirps.

"Hey! Back off Nurse is just off today. We all have our off practices."

But now he could probably kiss Chris Chow (if not for Farmer or more importantly Dex he might have had a crush on him instead). As he was quickly shuffled at of the locker room and was shocked to find himself back at his dorm. He had no memory of how he got here, but he dimly recognized his mom speaking to him in Urdu. And his maman speaking in French over the phone. Both trying to get his attention and both relieved sighs when he choked out an "I'm fine... it's chill." 

Over the relief from the phone another sigh came from his room. He turned over expecting to see Chowder's concerned eyes and fidgety hands, but instead one William Pointdexter rested in his reading chair. The same chair Dex chirped him for every time he came to pickk him up for lunch. 

"I never thought I would be relieved to hear the word 'chill' from you before." Will said half smiling. It was the softest chirp Dex had ever served him, and it came from the most obvious place: pity. He knew. 

Derek's breath immediately changed to panicked gasps, because he thought he knew what the worst thing to happen was, but God this was worse. Pity. From Dex. Neither Derek nor Nurse could stand it. There is no shield for pity. For disgust there is anger. For leaving there is sadness, but pity. 

Pity is the equivalent of saying 'I care, but not enough.' And Derek cared too much. Too much to see this. Too much to survive pity from Will when he wanted so much more. 

"Hey. Hey. Please no shhhh shhhh. Please I can't. I don't know what to say.... please Derek... 

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,

in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

 

I love you as the plant that never blooms

but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,

risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

 

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way

 

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."

 

Derek was shocked. Shocked enough to quiet his breathing. Distracted out of his panicked haze. Had William Pointdexter just admitted he loved him with-

"That's it right. That's your favorite poem right?"

And there it was, Derek's favorite blush. The shy one that only happened when you caught Dex off guard and paid Will a compliment. It never happened on ice, but sometimes after he just fixed the dryer for the millionth time, made a pie with bitty, or helped Chowder with his calculus homework. If you were quick enough to catch him, Will would respond like this. Flushed, head ducked, all aw shucks, it did things for Nursey, soft Dex. 

He responded to the question with a nod. Not ready to give up the moment. Not ready for the hope to die. 

"Your mom's said to let them talk you out of it, and I didn't know if I could believe Chowder or not, but I wanted to do something nice for you since this is my fault."

"I don't want your pity." Because of course Dex would stomp on his dream. He had to fix things, especially if he broke them. Not because he cared but because Dex saw it as his duty in life. To fix everyone's problems, but not his own. Derek was not a window that had cracked after Dex had slammed it shut. He had been cracked for a long time, and he was going was not going to let Dex fix him out of some misplaced guilt over a crack he had only deepened, not caused. 

'But what if Dex shattered you? Would you let him fix you then?' There was no need for Derek to answer that question. Even to himself. He knew the truth. If Derek shattered it would be because Will wasn't there to fix him. 

"It's not pity. I... I thought the poem would be enough. I'm not... WORDS. Nurse.. Derek. I'm not words. You are" and then William Pointdexter kissed him. 

In Derek's bed, wearing flannel and still flushing leaving Derek to realize that this wasn't a day dream he could finally find out exactly 

How

Far

Down

That flush spreads.

"Derek!!! What happened Derek?!?!"

"Did he kiss him?!"

"Are they kissing?!?"

"I don't know Elena shush I'm trying to find out"

William Pointdexter was kissing him while he was still on the phone with his Mothers.

"Wow. I didn't know you blushed." And wasn't that a very good look on Will. Surprised.... and turned on.... maybe they both could go exploring. 

"Derek we would rather not be the how you say... chéri how do you say... oh 'cockblock' yes that. Merci chérie."

"خوش آمدید" 

Derek desperately sought out his phone from where he had dropped it off the side of the bed.

"Mom maman we kissed. I will call you both later. Love you!" Before hanging up the phone, and looking at Will.

"I love you!" Rushed out love instead of like, because Derek was the opposite of chill at this moment. Wills shocked expression stalled him and as the silence lengthened, Derek deflated.

He had ruined it. He just couldn't keep his mouth shut. God. He began curling into himself trying to at least keep his breathing even. Will didn't deserve another panic attack. Will hadn't done anything wrong. Derek had messed up, and he couldn't take a response from Will out of pity. He would rather Will say he didn't love him than lie out of pity.

"Hey Derek please don't do that. I have never said that to someone before. I'm not ready... I thought the poem.. I mean.. That doesn't mean... the way I feel... it.. you matter to me. Just give me a little time okay?"

And there was a new look. Better than all the others. Will was looking at him as if he was special and... loved... even if he couldn't say it yet. After all Derek was words. 

Will was action. And he knew that what Derek really needed was a long nap, a lot of Netflix, and being taken care of after the longest (best) day of his life. And Will loved to fix things.


	2. Will's Valentine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this chapter is a month after the kiss and is in Dex's pov! Please comment and let me know what you think!!

Dex thought he knew many things about Derek Nurse. After being on the line together for over a year you learn a lot about a person. If someone had asked him about Nursey within the first couple of months Dex would roll his eyes and respond with "pretentious, thinks he's 'chill' wears stupid clothes and loves poetry. God knows why." 

After a full season with Derek if asked Dex would respond "solid teammate, good friend, still 'chill' and loves poetry. God knows why." Before punching Nursey on the arm and walking to his next class.

If you had asked Dex after the Christmas themed 'Naughty or Nice' Haus party he probably would have spazzed out mumbled something under his breath about "stupid hair and stupid arms and eyes. God knows why." Before running away.

If you had asked Dex during the 'Naughty or Nice' party after Dex had too many green and red Jell-O shots (6 of each maybe 7)((it was 12)) he would have had a very different answer. Possibly along the lines of "his hair is *hiccup* sooooo.,, soft and his eyes have soooo many colors in them like they are just a rainbow of pretty... *hic* and have y*up*ou seen his arms they're just so stroooong *hic-pukes* RIP Chowder's shoes, poor guy had to take care of everything honestly. 

But after their kiss. Dex realizes he knew nothing about Derek Nurse. He had been learning though in the month since their kiss. He had made learning everything about Derek Nurse his number one priority, and William Pointdexter doesn't do anything halfway. 

Nurses mom is Zahra and is maman is Elena. Zahra was born in Pakistan and is fluent in 4 languages: Punjabi, Urdu, English, and she began learning French the day after she met Elena. Elena is fluent in three. She is from Quebec and her family spoke both French and English, but she speaks mostly French due to boarding school in France. Elena and Derek began learning Urdu after her and Zahra's first date, so Nursey speaks French, Urdu, and English, but only speaks the first two with his mothers.

Will made his worst mistake one week after their kiss by pushing Nursey to speak Urdu in a restaurant once their waiter mentioned being from Pakistan. When Nursey had stormed out Will had ran after him trying to figure out what had gone wrong. It had taken two cups of hot chocolate and a phone call with his mom before Nursey explained. How he had been in elementary school after 9/11 how the kids heard him speaking to his mom in Urdu how they had locked him in a closet and refused to let him out until the teacher made them. How after that day none of the other kids would play with him, and all the awful slurs they had used during his elementary hockey matches. 

Derek had worked incredibly hard to get into Andover. His mothers were well off, but not compared to the amount needed to buy your way in. Derek had gotten in through his writing, and through his hockey skills. He has never spoken Urdu in front of anyone but his mom's since then. 

He learned how Elena and Derek's dad had gotten a divorce when he was three. That Robert, a rich arrogant American business man had never gotten over his wife being with a woman. He had walked out on them when Elena announced her and Zahra's engagement. Derek had been 5 and he had not seen his father since.

Through halting midnight conversation Will has learned how deeply that has affected Derek. Will makes a promise to himself to never leave Derek. He has thoughts like this all the time. He makes sure to write them down and date them. The things he knows are true but also knows Derek is not ready to hear.

Because the biggest thing Will had learned in this month is how scared Derek is of the things he wants the most.

Derek wants the big huge cheesy romance, but he wants it slowly. With lots of space in between. Derek is not ready for the forever feelings that Will had every time he looks at Derek. After Derek had said 'I love you' after their kiss he had continued saying it, but he always flinched afterwards as if he hadn't mean to and looked at Will as if he was expecting him to storm off and leave.

It wasn't until a week ago that Derek told him why. That as Robert was leaving Derek had been crying and right before the door shut 'daddy I love you' and yet the door had still closed. Will couldn't imagine hating anyone quite as much as he hated Robert Nurse. The fact that Derek still had his name made Will see red sometimes. 

He was working every day to prove to Derek that Will wasn't like his father. That he was here for forever, and he had a plan. He was going to to take Derek on the ultimate Valentine's date. Since the holiday was the most romantic and Derek's birthday to boot Will wanted it to be the best day of Derek's life.

He had spoken to Derek's mothers to get the recipe for Derek's favorite meal (a butter chicken curry with sweet galab juman for dessert). He and Bitty had been practicing on both all week and had perfected both. Ransom, Holster, and Chowder had been delighted to play guinea pig through all of their tests.

Dex had begged, offered favors, and threatened his way into having ownership of the dorm kitchen for the night. And for gifts he had gotten rid of all the viruses on Derek's computer, gotten him a dozen red roses, and was prepared to watch downtown abbey. It wasn't much money wise, but he hoped the sentiment got through. Oh and he had built Derek a bookshelf for his dorm room, so that Dex would no longer stub his toes on the copious novels that littered the floor like a mind field hidden under piles of clothes. ('What the hell are all the books doing on the floor Nurse?!' 'Where else would I put them?') 

The last part of his plan involved Wills bed roses petals and candles that smelled like jasmine and waterfalls. Because Dex was ready. He had never slept with a man before but he wanted to with Der desperately. The only thing that had held him back in the last week was the desire to make it special for Derek. Will may not seem like the most romantic guy, but for Derek he was trying. 

He was trying to be gentler with his words, because he never wanted to see Derek sad. He was trying to watch what he said, not be the quick tempered hardened guy his family had made him to be. Derek makes him feel soft and he likes it. Likes how much more people want to be around him now. Likes being seen as someone who fixes things, rather than someone who punches walls and breaks them.

Will was ready to be everything for Derek Nurse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next time will be the date! Let me know if you have any suggestions or questions. Comments are amazing :)


	3. Just One Day (to be mine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek's thoughts on the first two months with Will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So a little time line slip for me they have been together for two months not one. Got together in December now it is February ya dig? Sorry about that! Anyway enjoy!!! 
> 
> ***Warnings people not believing in mental illnesses and panic attack content***

Derek had never been happier. Happiness was a foreign object he had always longed to have, but it always seemed to belong to everyone else. Depression and anxiety was paired such that when he began to slip into depression his anxiety would kick up and force him to press through, because what if everyone hated him, what if he made a bad grade, what if his hockey game slipped, and what if Will decided he was not worth it.

It was exhausting, constantly living on a knife point. Never allowing himself to sink or falter, but constantly feeling as if everything was slipping away from him. Derek pushed his ‘chill’ exterior and confidence to the point that people were shocked when they realized he had the mental illnesses. Even worse sometimes people did not believe him.

“You are just having a bad day. You cannot call one bad day depression, dummy.” His Andover girlfriend had scoffed after Derek had finally worked up the courage to admit his illness to her. He did not bother explaining that he was clinically diagnosed. Her doubt was enough to send him spiraling to the internet, questioning his diagnoses and wondering if he was even sick. 

His maman found at 3:00am sitting up in his bed googling frantically tears sliding down his face. He paid them no mind. There were normally a sign that he needed to take a heavier dose of his anxiety meds, but now he questioned if they were just signs of sadness, “just like everyone else. What if it just a bad day Maman?”

His Maman had called his mom into the room and she brought him a class of water and a mug of hot tea with lemon and sugar. His mom handed him one of his pills and they both laid down on either side of him as he cried it out. His maman curled around him; while his mom closed all the webmd tabs open on his computer.

No one said anything. They simply laid beside him, and the next day when he came home and told them he had broken up with his girlfried, they had taken his hands and announced it a pillow fort Tuesday. Then they all piled up in the living room and watched movies for the rest of the night. With their favorite films playing in the background his mothers told him the most important lesson he had ever learned about relationships.

His mom had looked at him and simply said “If they are not willing to acknowledge every part of you, and stand by the parts that are not easy. They are not worth the effort of loving them.” His Maman had reached over and taken his Mom’s hand then had looked at Derek before finishing the advice with “If they will not stand by you on your bad days; they are not worth giving your good days to. Remember that.”

Derek had never forgotten that advice and had entered every relationship with their voiced echoing in the forefront of his mind. After that girlfriend he had never gotten serious enough in a relationship to mention his illness, until Dex.

Will had been amazing. In the two months they had been dating he treated Derek like he was royalty, as if he were the most precious thing Will had ever held, and Derek was becoming addicted.

But they hadn't had sex yet.

Which confused and concerned Derek to no end. He was used to frantic one night stands. Touches he was a little too tipsy to remember, or hookups that did not include last names. Men especially wanted it in the dark, and would often leave immediately afterwards. 

Though his experiences at Samwell had been more open and honest. None had lasted more than a couple of weeks. No one had gotten to see Derek as anything but the confident 'chill' exterior he gave to the world.

Only Will.

He knew Will was considerably less experienced than him. Apparently after a long talk with Shitty Will knew himself to be demisexual and bi. Therefore he only had sex with people he knew very well and had been in a relationship with. Will had only had one serious girlfriend in his life, and had not realized he was bi until he met Derek.

A comment that had earned him a very long very thorough makeout session. Derek's heart had felt as if it was going to beat right out of his chest. He was so lucky. Even fucked up as he was; he had Will. Will thought he was amazing. Maybe Derek could believe that one day too.

Derek's birthday was tomorrow and he knew Dex was planning something. Honestly Will just being with him was enough, but Derek was not going to turn down the chance of more time with him. 

With Will maybe this birthday would actually be about Derek. Not just Valentine's Day, but his birthday. Just once he would like to be the focus. He loved Valentine's Day, the drama, the romance, but he wanted it to be his day this year.

Derek shuddered alone in his bed. Maybe tomorrow would be the day. The day he would finally get below the belt on Will. He couldn't to see Wills expression when Derek got his mouth on him. Derek's tongue was capable of more than just words. He was going to make Will lose his mind as he sucked him down to the root and slipped a lubed finger in him for the first time.

Derek's cock was certainly invested in the idea, but he had an 8am tomorrow. The medicine he took made it take forever to get him off, so he forced his hand back under his pillow. Making himself stop thinking about Will took more willpower than he had, but he needed to sleep so he at least turned his mind to conversations as he slipped into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cough* so sorry I lied. Date is definitely 100% next chapter!!! Derek just had a lot to say and I thought posting this was better than waiting. Next chapter is the date and the rating may go up either that chapter or the next! Please send me comments I love them and they make me so inspired and let me know if you have ((gentle)) critiques as well!! If you don't want to comment on here or if you want to message privately I am also on tumblr as @cookies-n-pieohmy!

**Author's Note:**

> Also I am on tumblr as @cookies-n-pieohmy come talk to me about our hockey children!


End file.
